And I Lived Before

When I was 5, I had an unusual dream. It was odd cause I was not me in the dream and I never forgot the dream. In my dream, I dreamed that I was a girl standing next to an older man with white hair and a cap on his head. In front of me, there was a bunch of kids that were shorter than me. In front of the kids, there was a railing and we were all looking off into the distance at something and I didn't know in my dream what I was looking at, but that we were all waving towards something in the distance.

Flash forward to age 9, I was in school and we were given fliers for Scholastic books for sale. I always loved these fliers cause I loved to pick out some books to ask my mother to buy for me. I found a book called The Day Pearl Harbor Was Bombed: A Photo History of World War II and I decided I wanted that one. I had a second cousin that died in WWII so I figured that this would be interesting to read and photos to look at. I am a very visual type of person so I love to look at picture books.

So, when I finally got the book in my hands, I flipped through the book focusing on the photos as I usually did, and I found this one photo and immediately I felt like my heart sunk into my stomach. I recognized this scene, this was the scene from my dream. The only thing different was that now I was looking at the people and in my dream, I was a person in the group looking out apparently looking at the photographer that was taking this very photo. I was amazed and looked at the people in the photo, and I found myself, I was the tall young woman standing behind the kids in front of me with the old guy standing next to me.

It was this day that I came to believe in past lives, my personal experience with this made me a true believer.

Glimpse Into Ants Life Regarding Death

A few years ago, I was on my lunch hour at work, sitting on a bench outside waiting for my coworkers to come out so we would play badminton and a little ant walked near me. I instinctly put my foot on it to kill it without even thinking. Almost immediately I felt regret that I had done this. I sat there staring at the dead ant laying on the ground before me.

Then what happened next shocked me! I saw another ant come from somewhere, I have no idea where, and it went right next to the dead ant, sizing up the situation, then it picked up the dead ant and crawled away with the dead ant. What went through my head was a feeling of amazement and awe. I had no idea that ants would do this, that they cared for their dead like that.

It only made me feel worse about killing the innocent ant after seeing this, but I felt like it was meant to be, that it happened like this so I could witness this event that must take place all the time, but we don't really spend much time focusing on the little life forms of this planet. I felt like I was lucky to get a small glimpse into the lifestyles of ants and to develop a sense of respect for them.

Girl Scout Memories

Growing up, I was very much involved in Girl Scouting, from the first grade until I graduated high school. I was very proud of being a girl scout, in the early years, I enjoyed making crafts and learning how to make Rice Krispie treats which I absolutely loved! I enjoyed wearing the uniform.

I have a particular memory of being in the 6th grade wearing my green girl scout uniform to school on days we had meetings, and my english teacher made fun of me because of it. But even though I stood out, I still wore my uniform proudly, and enjoyed the meetings of doing crafts and going on day trips to an animal hospital, ice cream place, Pizza Hut, nursing homes, it was exciting. Other times, I would go door to door selling Girl Scout Cookies.

I remember being in the 8th grade and we were making 50 cents a box on the cookies I sold, and the money I raised I used to fund a trip to Canada that year with my very best friend and our mothers who were the troop leaders.

Then in high school, being the only girl in my troop cause the others thought they were "too cool" for girl scouting, I joined up with another troop and worked alongside them, sharing in their activities and making new friends along the way. With this other troop, I got to tryout camping, and that was a great experience. I also volunteered at a local Girl Scout camp for a few weeks.

12th grade came, and I worked on my Gold Award project. I wrote and designed children's books on emergencies and first aid, went to several schools and read them to the children there and leaving a book in each school for them to use afterwards. I felt that if little kids can learn about the importance of 911, then they could help save a life if they ever encountered an emergency situation.

At the awards ceremony, I gave a speech about my project and I felt proud about my accomplishments, and then I was presented with my Gold Award pin, and it was an awesome moment. After that, I became a lifetime member of the Girl Scouts.

Taking time to enjoy the natural beauty

Every so often, I find myself quieting my mind, and focusing on the little things in life, the natural things. Like for instance, stopping by a random plant and just looking at it up close to see it for what it is, energy, elements, and the interesting patterns that can be found, and to enjoy the splendor of it. Its amazing.

Since when did washing hands become a complex procedure???

I found this sign in a bathroom on a recent vacation. I took the photo to share with everyone how complex washing hands can be. I thought you just put soap on and rub hands together, but no! According to this poster, there is a procedure to be done. Maybe they think people are stupid go into the bathroom and see the sink and soap dispenser and think to themselves, what do I do here? I guess it could happen, but I think most people "know" or "should know" how to wash their hands!

Money Does Grow on Trees

Who says that money doesn't grow on trees? If you change the way you look at things, the way things look change.

The FIRE....Destruction, Transformation, and Growth

I knew I would never be the same after the night of the fire. It was a warm summer night when I was 6. Middle of the night, I was awakened by my mother, “little one, wake up, the house across the street is on fire.” I was a little confused waking up from a deep sleep, not fully understanding what was happening. I got out of the bed and I followed my mother up the staircase to the second floor to the front of the house to look out the windows.

Glancing out the window, it was like we were watching tv, from safely inside our house, but this was no fictional story, this was real and happening live. There was no going back, no recreating this, it was going to burn the way it would and only the firefighters could change the direction and intensity of the fire with their water hoses. It was as if the firefighters were like artists creating a masterpiece in an odd distorted way by putting the fire out. Put a little water here, so this section of the siding don't burn. A little water there in that room, so it doesn't get charred. Break this door down to get access to the flames. Rip a hole in the roof here to pour some water in. What was left when done, well that would be the creation of the firefighters effort in their skills.

In the meantime, the house was burning and it was an angry untamed fire as flames were shooting out from the large window on the second floor poking out from the roof of this cape style house, spitting the glass outwards onto the roof ledge. The first floor was burning intensely as well with flames shooting out from the sides of the home. It was as if the house had come alive with this intense hot orange colored energy.

There were lights flashing all about from the several fire engines, police cars, and ambulances that had already arrived on the scene. The lights danced a silent melody reflecting off the surrounding houses, trees, cars, and people that were in its path. It was like a wake up call to everyone to pay attention, “look, a house is burning.”

My mother opened the window we were staring out. Immediately the concentrated smoke pouring from the burning house in front of us found its way inside our house where it entered into our noses so we could smell the scent of destruction. It was a message to me that helped me realize that no one is immune to the effects of fire as I can be safe in my house but if the fire wanted it could come to my house sometime as well. I realized that I could not be safe no matter where I was.

After a few hours, the firefighters were able to tame the monstrous energy outburst of fire and the house slowly calmed down from its tantrum. I was exhausted; up all night with my front row view of this seemingly captivating event of the night. Slowly one by one the curious neighbors that stood around all night outside to watch the fire were almost feeling disappointed as they turned around and walked home sadly when the fire was finally out. I don't know why they would be disappointed that the fire was out, shouldn't they be happy? Then the firemen hopped into their trucks and slowly retreated. It was time to go back to bed as if nothing happened. A sound sleep that night, too much to process that night, but that was yet to come.

Morning was difficult to face. The realization that the house across the street was forever changed, not yet boarded up, the devastation could clearly be seen. My mother and I walked over there to have a look around the property. We walked around the house and took in the whole scene. It was interesting for my young eyes to see this. Just the previous day, everything was normal and now it was not, it was completely transformed.

In an instant, I thought back to the previous month. The house was for sale at the time of the fire. Just the week before, on a Sunday, there was an open house. An ordinary open house, a happy time, my mother and I went through the house out of nosy curiosity. I remember it clearly, the staircase with the steps that weren't too deep that even my little six year old feet found awkward to walk up. The second floor was open with an ugly green carpet. The side window of the second floor had a large ledge and I sat on it and looked out the window with the sun shining in while my mother talked to the real estate agent about the house details. I thought the ledge was the most awesome part of the house as it was the perfect size for me to relax in.

When my daydream was over, I was once again standing by this newly burnt house. I was looking up at the window where the ledge that I sat in was. It was all black. Flames had poured out this window charring all around it. I could see in to the second floor, it was totally black in there. Feeling as if it was too unreal, I was feeling kinda foggy in my mind. I walked by the bathroom window on the first floor, I could see in so clearly to the bathroom. I was standing a few feet from the fire devastation seeing all the melted dropping things that were in the bathroom and the blackness of the soot and charred remains. It was too much for my little eyes. My mother and I walked home to safety or so I thought.

In the days and months that followed, I found it difficult to look at the house across the street, which was boarded up at this point. I would purposely avoid gazing at it, trying to not see it, so it couldn't bother me. However, it did bother me, more than I could imagine at the time. I could not process what happened. I couldn't accept it, it was too traumatizing.

Years later, the house torn down, new house built, life goes on all around. For me, I was stuck, I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Nightmares all the time occupied my dreams. It was not easy growing up with this imprint on my mind. Anything related to fire would instantly send me into a panic. Seeing how fire transformed a happy colorful home into an uninhabitable charred black mess of a house enlightened me to realize how powerful fire is, that it has the power to transform permanently what it comes into contact with. The house was not the only thing changed that night, I was changed as well, as I could no longer be the innocent little girl unaware of the power and purpose of fire.

SEE How Lucky You Are!!!!

Your so lucky, yes YOU! You can SEE this with your eyes, unlike many people who are blind. They cannot SEE the world like you do. So, instead of SEEing words, colors, shapes, and photos, they have to seek out a sea of bumps on a white sheet of paper that they SEE with their fingers. SEE how lucky you really are?

This Ain't No Painting

This photo is not a painting although it looks like a painting. Its the Painted Desert in Arizona.

Just because something appears to be something, does that mean that it really is that thing?

How we see things is determined by all our previous experiences combined. It is because of that, we cannot see every perspective of something, no matter how hard we try.

We can see something today and think one way about it, and a year down the road, we would think differently about it.

If someone never knew of the Painted Desert, they may look at this photo and see it as a painting. But a painting it is not, only in that person's mind because they have seen paintings before and this is similar to their experience.

Tee Pee Dreams

1950's Rock and Roll music
Driving down Route 66
Americana at its finest

Curving road
Tourist traps galore
See this
Buy me
Stay here
Eat this

Such a colorful road
During the day
Nighttime
Neon lights

Endless miles
Must sleep
Wigwam Motel
Sleep in a Tee Pee
Not a room
A New Experience
Night Night
Tee Pee dreams

And She Had No Say In The Matter

The humans are hungry, they want to eat. "Where is my food" they shout. "I want it NOW" "I deserve to have food"

What do they eat???? ANIMALS

What do the animals think of this???? HELP US, WE DON'T WANT TO BE FOOD, WE WANT TO LIVE TOO

Lets test your knowledge.....

Question #1: Real tricky btw

Who is Superior Animal or Human?

Question #2: Even trickier

How do you know?

And to think that poor Miss Ox had to sacrifice her life just so we could eat the food we thought we deserved, food we are entitled to. Round and round she turned roasting and browning, cooking her very essense of the flesh that surrounded her soul, cooking her completely, changing her physical presence from being her soul's home to becoming dinner for the hungry. The ultimate recycling.

P.S. Miss Ox tasted very good, made for a yummy sandwich at Kutztown Folk Festival, Kutztown, PA July 4, 2009.

Mr. Squirrel and The Nut

Mr. Squirrel says to the Nut "Your mine, all mine, I found you so you belong to ME!"

Mr. Squirrel says to you "What are you looking at? This is MY nut, not YOURS!"

Coincidentially Religious?

I came across this scene in the middle of a pile of clutter. I found it fascinating so I took a photo of it. A coincidence maybe? Maybe not? A figure of Jesus and four nails laying besides him.

My Angel

Last week, I was walking around a local hospital and decided to stop into the chapel, as I typically do when I go there. Its a vintage chapel, and well, vintage is my thing. After going into the chapel, I came across a death card. It was for a baby. I see these from time to time and I don't know these people on the cards, but this one struck me inside. This baby died on my birthday!

I knew there must be a connection, a reason why I would find this death card for someone that died on my birthday. There are no coincidences. This little baby's life ended on the same day that many years before, my life outside the womb began. It was like a ying yang situation, a balancing act, one person lives and another dies. I decided to take this death card with me, feeling that I have an otherworldly connection with this baby, that he is my guardian angel or friend in the afterlife looking out for me.

I also felt that the image of the bird in the clouds on the card was a symbol or message to me, a reminder that I should continue on my path of trying to promote peace and harmony in the world. Also I feel that the image symbolizes freedom. The baby died, so he was free from his earthly body, and that I am here on earth, and must strive to achieve the freedom I so desire in my earthly life.

Its little oddities in life like this that really make me wonder.

Mercury Rising

CFL light bulbs better than incandescent? I think NOT!

1. They are more expensive than the incandescent light bulb.
2. They are ugly.
3. Since they last so long, they are likely to get dusty and difficult to clean.
4. They contain mercury so if they break, you have potential mercury exposure.
5. They cannot be thrown in the regular garbage because of the mercury.
6. Who is really going to recycle them properly? Who is really that considerate and responsible?
7. In a landfill, many will likely create more environmental issues because of all the mercury.
8. The lighting from the CFL isn't as bright as the incandescent.

They have their good points and bad points, but since many people don't discard them properly, the risks from them outweigh the benefits in the long term. That is my opinion. I just cannot see how they are "greener" if they pollute the earth with mercury.

Empty Jars? Maybe, Maybe Not.

My little empty jars sit on a table. I look at them and wonder what to fill them with. They are so tiny, I cannot imagine what would even fit inside them. I sit and ponder this and then I realize that they are already filled. I cannot see anything with my eyes, but that doesn't mean that there isn't anything there. They are filled with air. But, they are filled with many other things. The person that made them, they touched them when making them, leaving their energy behind on them. Also, the material itself, a clay, has energy as well. I spend time thinking about my little jars and my thoughts are captured inside them as well. Also, the dust and dirt in the air lands inside them filling them. So many unseen things fill my little jars.

An Interesting Thought

The other day, I had a thought. If there was a deaf person with Schizophrenia, can they have auditory hallucinations? If they do, how can they hear them if they are deaf? How would they even know if they did hear them if they never heard sound, how would they know that they are hearing sound?

Sappy, The Little Pine Tree With Spirit

Once upon a time, there was little pine tree named Sappy. Growing up in a hot house factory somewhere unknown, too young to remember, he just remembers some of the details. Bright lights shining on him, growing up in a little plastic pot with some stale dirt mixed with debris as fertilizer covering his tiny roots.

Men would walk by, not seeming to notice little Sappy. They didn't water him, no, piping above him provided him with his scheduled watering, these men gave him no personal attention at all. There were too many little trees growing in this huge room, all like him, but different in that little Sappy had a mind of his own. He knew he would grow tall and be a special tree. He felt that he was a brave little tree as he pushed himself all the time in growing towards the light that shone on him. He was in competition with his brothers next to him, all in a race to grow towards the light as fast as they could.

Week after week, little Sappy seemed to be getting stronger, growing tall and his roots were getting stronger making their stake in the loose dirt. "What a workout" little Sappy thought to himself. Then came the day when the men came in and things seemed different than usual. The men were paying more attention to Sappy and his brothers. They were picking them up and moving them. "This is nice to be held" little Sappy thought, "but where are they taking me?" Into a truck little Sappy went that was attached to the factory.

A few hours later, and a few slides back and forth making Sappy a little dizzy, Sappy who experienced his first ride, arrived at a store. Carried off the truck, little Sappy packed in a box, was able to get a glimpse of real sunlight for the first time ever through a little hole in the box. "Wow, that is amazing to see the sun, what a nice energetic light that is" Sappy thought as he treasured each second of it, "I must be someone special to get this grand treatment, being carried and seeing real light."

His luxurious treatment quickly faded away as he was carried into the cold damp refrigerated store, and after some processing, he was placed on a shelf inside the store. Standing among all sorts of plants and trees unfamiliar to him, Sappy was a little frightened, little lonely, and very curious. He missed his brothers that he grew up with, but now he was among all these new characters. It intrigued Sappy to look at all his new friends, seeing how they were different than himself. Life in the store wasn't easy though. It was cold and damp most days, except when the store closed at night, it would warm up a little. He wasn't given as much water as he desired. Seemingly always thirsty, he had to make do with what water was given him, but it was never enough. Strong from his life in the factory growing, he was starting to weaken. But, Sappy still felt that he was a special tree with a purpose, so he didn't give up the fight and tried his hard to continue to thrive.

Sappy didn't know he was sitting in a store during the Christmas season, he had no idea of holidays or seasons. It wasn't something he was informed about. Soon Christmas came and went, one by one other trees and plants seemed to disappear from around Sappy, but he was still there. After a few weeks, there were just a few trees and plants left including Sappy. They were all starting to decay and no matter how hard Sappy was determined to stay strong, with the lack of water provided him, he was fading as well. Soon the store put all the leftovers, the unwanted unbought plants and trees on a table by the exit door with a big sign in front of them "FREE". This was downright torture Sappy thought, each time a person walked by and looked down on him, the door would open and the cold air would burn Sappy's browning branches. It was too cold for Sappy, he was getting tired. Still he fought, trying to not think about the cold and to stand as firm as he could so maybe one of these people walking by would rescue him.

Soon, a little girl, Molly in the store with her mother walked by the little table of Free plants and trees. "Can I have one Mommy?" Molly asked her mother. "Well, ok dear." Molly looked momentarily at the little trees and quickly reached for Sappy. "I'll take this one to be my new friend," Molly exclaimed.

Sappy was ecstatic in that he was finally chosen. He knew he looked pretty pathetic in his current physical state, almost near death, yet he was finally being rescued, given a second chance. He felt so happy to be held by Molly on the ride home. Sappy loved how Molly would breath on him. The carbon dioxide escaping from her tiny mouth was food he desperately needed. Once home, Molly and her mother took a nice ceramic pot out of a cupboard and together they replanted Sappy from his thin plastic pot. "He looks so nice in his new pot Mommy" Molly told her mother, "I will put him right next to my bed."

And it was next to her bed that Sappy remained for the next 3 years. Molly would always remember to water Sappy and at night, when everyone was fast asleep, Molly would spend countless hours telling Sappy all her secrets and fears and Sappy never talked to Molly, but he was a great listening friend for little Molly. Happy and content in his new life, Sappy grew stronger than ever, getting bigger each year. Molly replanted him after the 2nd year in a new grander planter, but still he remained right next to Molly's bed. He felt he had the best life ever and loved Molly dearly.

What Sappy didn't know was that Molly was very sick with a childhood form of cancer and she was dying as fast as he was growing. Its what brought them together in the first place. Little Molly ill with cancer connected to a sick little tree in the store and she nursed him back to health all the while little Sappy, a passive friend was helping Molly not in getting better from her cancer, but served as her friend and someone she could talk to about things that troubled her. It was in that 3rd year that Molly passed away pretty quickly after her cancer completely took over her little body. At the funeral, Molly's mother, knowing how much Sappy had meant to Molly, brought the little tree to the funeral home and Sappy was placed on a table next to the little coffin. Later, after the burial, a hole was dug on the grave site and Sappy was planted there.

Sappy realized what had happened by this point. He missed Molly, but he felt proud that he could grow ever tall where Molly layed. He felt Molly's love for him and he was completely content. To this day, Sappy still grows on little Molly's grave and people that walk near him seem to feel the love and peace that he emits as he shares with all the love that Molly had for him. Sappy is a positive influence in the world.

My Trip to Bodies: The Exhibition

Over the weekend, I had an opportunity to go see Bodies: The Exhibition in NYC. It was an interesting exhibit. They took real people and after they were dead of course, the bodies were preserved and made into a rubbery material, that can be displayed without being inside a liquid or enclosed case. They remove some parts of the skin, muscle, and organs in the various specimens to show the complexity of the human body. It was fascinating to see what the inside of the human body looked like so up close and personal like this. There were even displays of the arteries to be looked at. I noticed how the shapes of nature appear in the human body, which was interesting. Nature repeats its earthly designs. For instance, the arteries look like trees with all the branchs going in seemingly random directions but all delicately planned out as the artery grew in the direction it needed to so it could provide blood to a part of the body like a tree grows a branch in a direction it needs to in order to touch the sunlight. Overall, the exhibit was put together in a tasteful way for a museum type of exhibit. It was certainly creative and well thought out, even to the point of the staff people wearing white lab coats (but to me with all the bodies cut up and organs displayed, I wondered if they wore white lab coats portraying scientists, or white coats as butchers), but it was rather morbid at the same time seeing what were real people forever trapped in this way. Sadly, their physical bodies will unlikely ever be at rest.

A Universe Without Color

What would the world be like if there was no colors? What would there be to distinguish one item on earth from another item? Would everything be black, white, or invisible? If black and white are colors, if there were no colors, then they would not exist. So if they didn't exist and everything was invisible because of the lack of color, then there would be no objects? Energy would still be there, and maybe the objects that take of space might still be there, but if we can't see them, do they still exist? Would we even exist if we are invisible? Ghosts are invisible, so maybe we would be a ghost, just pure energy. But energy gives off colors, so is it even possible to have a universe without color? Can we really have energy if there is no color, but energy cannot be destroyed, and since energy already exists, then maybe its not possible to have no colors.

The Eyes Are Watching

No matter what you do, no matter where you go, you cannot hide from the Eyes. They don't sit there and say to themselves that what you do is right or wrong, they watch indiscriminately as they are not here to judge. Its up to you how you choose to be, and you are held responsible regardless of what the Eyes see. But, you are never alone and even in your most private moments, the Eyes still watch on. what becomes of the information the Eyes record, well, time will tell.

Rebellion

A bright young girl
yet a rebel at heart.
So very strong willed,
She will not give in.
Determined to succeed in what she does,
She will not listen to the authority.
She will fight till the end
For what she believes in.
It was in her from the beginning
And shall be for all time.

Hello, my name is Excuse Me? Or is it Shadow? Is a name really needed?

I am so confused. I have 2 supervisors at work. One knows my name and the other doesn't. Its supervisor #2 that doesn't know my name. When he wants to talk to me, he says "Excuse Me." Every time, without fail. When he talks to my coworkers, he calls them by name, but not me. Maybe my name has been changed somewhere? Maybe my name is Excuse Me? I wasn't given a memo with that, so I am confused.

OK, so my new name is Excuse Me McFadden, well according to supervisor #2 anyway :)

On another note, supervisor #1 told me today that my coworkers there are calling me Shadow. I am very quick in my work, and don't stay in one place long, so for them to see me, its a rare occasion as I slip by them quietly, deep in my pursuit of completing my work, I don't stop for the daily chit chat that they all engage in. I am almost transparent, as if I am not really there, like a ghost or apparition, a slight breeze swiftly passing them.

I get all my assigned work done quickly and without hesitation, an excellent worker, no complaints, and continue to help out my coworkers afterwords with their work as well, all with precision, with great attention to detail and organization. I am but a shadow, the thing you see out of the corner of your eye that grasps your attention but when you turn to look, I may be gone, but in my path of existence, is all I have left behind, the precisely organized work, my signature trademark. Anything less than that, I wouldn't be a shadow, I wouldn't be ME! I am not important, not my physical existence, because all that really matters is what I leave behind in my wake, that is what is important, that is what is everlasting and hopefully contagious, inspirational, in a good way of course.

Everything I touch, figuratively and literally, my energy transfers to, a part of me stays with that, working to transform that thing, influence it in that it becomes more positive and takes on more attributes that come along with my energy.

So, when supervisor #2 calls me "Excuse Me" he is most certainly right to do so, as I am not a name, I am more than that, a name is meaningless in the greater scheme of things. As a physical person I am insignificant, just another set of bones, blood, water, and skin. In my real presence, I am energy, always been and always will be, transparent but forceful and influencing, part of the universe. This is who I am.

Meet Wally

This is my little friend Wally. She is a ceramic doggie from the early 1950's. I became her owner back in 2007. Before I found Wally, I had an image in my mind of her. I went to several antique stores and garage sales but I came up empty handed. I knew Wally was out there somewhere and that I'd find her eventually. Little did I know that I was using the Law of Attraction. She was in my mind, I had the picture, but I had to manifest her. It was the summer of 2007, I was on vacation, a bus trip of the west. After the ride through Montana, I was ill. I had tried Huckleberries for the first time ever as I had Huckleberry Lemonade, Huckleberry ice cream, hell, I even had Huckleberry soda. They have Huckleberry everything in Montana. I think I had an allergic reaction or something. I was sleeping on the bus and the bus left Montana and entered Idaho. I awoke when the bus stopped in a town called Wallace. I had no idea how we got there, just that when I awoke from my feverish sleep, I was in this town. The tour guide told us that they filmed part of the movie Dante's Peak in this town. It was very pretty, with steep mountain sides with forests. I walked down the street, not feeling well, but walked by an antique store and in the window was this ceramic dog glistening with the sunlight reflecting off the ceramic. I immediately felt attracted to this dog. This was exactly what I was looking for. I went in the store and adopted this little doggie. She cost $20 but it was well worth it as she is almost 9" tall and is very pretty. I named her Wally since I found her in Wallace, Idaho and she has been my little ceramic friend ever since.

My epiphany last week

One day last week, I was at work, and in the afternoon, I was glancing at an magazine about decorating and architecture. While I was doing this, the setting sun shone into a window I don't ever remembering happening before, and was blinding me as I was looking at this magazine. It was so wonderful to say the least. I felt so happy, it was like the energy of the sun was entering my body and making me feel good. It was way better to have that positive energy focused on me rather than the draining florescent lighting. Anyway, while all this was happening, I got a feeling inside me, I realized then that I could do anything that I wanted and that whatever I decided to do, I'd be successful and happy at it. I was looking at that magazine and all I could think about was how I love decorating and that I love houses and floor plans. I have always known that these things were things that I had a deep passion for, but I realized now that it is possible that I can fulfill that and be successful at it. The sun makes me feel so happy.

Ummm, who is the intelligent one?

I got this coupon the other week. I was like "wow, a $3 off coupon, awesome." Then I read under the big print, "compliments of Bimbo Bakeries." I stopped myself when I came across the name of the company. Bimbo Bakeries, what? Not sure what they would name the bakery that. After looking up what bimbo means, physically attractive yet unintelligent. OK, we have an attractive bakery that is unintelligent. Maybe it describes their bakery products? Maybe their bakery products are attractive, but the quality is inferior and lacking something? Maybe they use all artificial ingredients and that is definitely not smart, not for the consumer. Maybe the bimbo refers to the consumer that buys the products as they are not smart to buy the inferior products? Its very interesting.

Job Satisfaction Isn't About How Much You Earn

Thinking back ten years, I remember a time in my life when I was heavily involved in volunteer work. This was before I ever had a paying job, I would go to my volunteer job at the hospital, and I almost always loved it. My first year, I worked in patient transport. This was a pretty neat job. The volunteers sat in a room, usually stuffing envelopes to be mailed or just listening to an older volunteer talk about his life. Other times, I was able to work on my homework or read a book. We would get a call to go to a different department to wheel a patient in a wheelchair either to another department for a test or outside if they were being discharged.

Another year, I worked in the Gift Shop as a cashier which I found really exciting because it was a little store.

My last two years, I spent in the adult day care helping the seniors with their daily activities such as games like bowling or throwing pins or arts and craft projects such as painting. One lady I remember in particular, I was helping her paint a picture, and she kept putting her hands on the wet paint. Other times, I would help distribute the food at lunchtime.

I didn't get paid for my hours spent at the hospital helping out, but I found it rewarding regardless. I might not have been making a profit from this venture, but I was growing as a person inside, developing more of an awareness of the human condition as I got to see patients that were better and happy to be going home, patients that were unsure of their fate as they went from department to department for various tests, visitors visiting the hospital feeling an uneasiness inside about visiting a sick person, and patients that were older and nearing the end of their life.

I also did a short stint in the maternity ward preparing the bassinets for the newborns. I had to place the pad into the bassinet, only imagining that soon enough a new life would be laying on it, and wondering all the wonderful and maybe not so wonderful memories that this new life would acquire over the years. Wondering how their lives would unfold. Was I preparing the bassinet for the next Einstein? Was this one for the next President? Was I making the bassinet for the person that would grow up to eventually lead to my very own demise? Would the person in this one be the person to grow up and find a cure for cancer? I could only wonder, but I found it fascinating regardless.

Its not about how much you make at your job in terms of monetary compensation, but how are you growing as a person. That is what is the most important thing to keep in mind. Yes, money is an important necessity, but its only the most superficial value of having a particular job when it comes to connecting with humanity.

Brave Bird

The sign says "Do Not Open Windows, Birds Will Peck"

Brave Bird walks fearlessly among the vehicles that slow down around the him. He knows he is in charge in this scene. He feels as if he is the star and this is his show. The vehicles don't belong in his environment, but they are there anyway. He never learned from his mother how to deal with all this odd attention. Brave Bird is just a bird after all, not supposed to be an exhibit in a drive thru safari.

"Its just not right" Brave Bird thinks to himself.

He knows that he is supposed to live among other animals, but these moving metal vehicles, that is not something he is used to or instinctively knows how to deal with.

'TAP' 'TAP' 'TAP' "why you here? what do you want?" Brave Bird thinks as he is tapping on the glass windows of the moving metal vehicles driving by. Total utter confusion enters his mind. "What are these moving things??? Damn, please don't run over my tiny toes."

Day after day, year after year, slowly Brave Bird adapts to his new environment, so unnatural, but his new home. Meantime, millions of moving metal vehicles slowly drive by Brave Bird observing him in what they unnaturally think is his 'natural environment'. The moving metal vehicles weave their way past Brave Bird and through the park and out the exit, and as they exit the park, they move on with their lives and their memories and thoughts about Brave Bird fade quickly.

Brave Bird is still there all this time later, enduring the endless days of the moving metal vehicles that threaten his safety every step he takes, but still he walks by, showing that this is his land, his home, and no matter how many moving metal vehicles almost run him over, he will continue to be Brave Bird regardless.

Thinking experiment

Whenever I go to a library or bookstore, I like to do this little experiment to see what thoughts are floating around in my head. I like to walk around looking at the floor and then I listen to my intuition when to look up at the books on the shelves and I look to see the first word that my eyes focus on. Then keeping that word in mind, I look down and walk some more and then look up when it feels right and glance at the next word my eyes focus on. I keep doing this and then I try to figure out why my eyes focused on those words and not other words. I attempt to put them together in something that seems logical to me. What I get out of this is that it helps me to figure out what my mind is thinking, what words I attract to myself, what words come into my reality. Its amazing and I recommend everyone to try it.

Pondering coincidence

Today at work, I was thinking about coincidence. I find it amusing that sometimes, two people will be having a discussion with me at different times, and they will mention a word to me, and it is always a word that stands out in my mind cause its not a word I hear often (it doesn't matter what word it is). I don't know if its a coincidence that both people would say the same word to me or not. It seems weird to me, but maybe its just my mind trying to find patterns and make sense of language or something like that. But is it a coincidence that I am paying attention to that particular word in general or is there a meaning why I am focusing on the word in question? I also noticed that this happens with tv, you could be watching a program and they will say a phrase and it stands out in your mind cause you were just thinking that same phrase a short time ago. Is that coincidence?

Bargain of the day...or is it???

The other day, I got this gift card for a local discount store from my mother. She got it cause she filled a Rx and had a coupon that if you have a Rx filled, you get a $10 gift card. So, that is what happened. I walked around the store trying to figure out what to buy with this $10 gift card. I have such a hard time finding something I want or need, cause I don't really need or want anything. So, after walking laps around the store, looking at all the various items on display in all the departments, I came across this t-shirt that seemed to "speak" to me. It was on the clearance rack, originally $12.99, it was now $3.24. I tried it on in the fitting room, it looked nice, so I bought it. I left the store thinking, wow, that was a pretty good bargain. But, was it really?

The shirt was made in Vietnam, most likely the individuals that operated the machines to cut and sew the pieces of fabric together were very poor, living substandardly, and forced to work for extremely low wages, just to survive. What where they thinking when they were working on this shirt of mine? Probably that the shirt is nice and that they wished they could wear nice new shirts like that. Probably envious of the people that would end up wearing them. Maybe some anger or resentment as well if they are aware enough, or maybe they are just happy to have their job so they don't see how they are being used or maybe not wanting to see it.

My mother initially received the gift card I used to buy the shirt from filling an Rx. It was a bribe from the store to get people to use their pharmacy services, further promoting the use of Rx medications. Ok, so many people believe that medications are ok to use. Well, I have other opinions about that, I'll leave that discussion for another time. Meantime, I will just say that medications have side effects that can create more health problems. I don't really want to go into too much detail right now about how the pharmaceutical companies make so much profit on the drugs they sell while so many people have to pay exorbitant prices for them out of pocket.

But why should I care? I got the shirt for free.

But I do care, people die every day from taking medications or from the side effects that create more health issues. People work so hard in many countries around the world working for very low wages and live in poverty, so Americans can get discounted or inexpensive items, while the business middle man makes all the profit.

My first posting :)

I don't know where to start or how to start a blog. This is my first attempt at writing something like this. I feel like what I am doing is writing a public diary. This should definitely be interesting, I will speak my mind, and what I might say and what direction it goes in, well, time will tell, cause I don't know myself at this point where any of this will lead.